She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
