forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
