just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
