He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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