nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
