Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
