I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize