I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
