We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
