At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
