how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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