ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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