I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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