Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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