just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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