Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
