god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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