I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize