you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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