would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
