I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
