Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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