Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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