but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
