Banned from zoo.
Again?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
