I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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