Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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