would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
