I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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