would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
