i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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