it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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