I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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