Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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