There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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