i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
