it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
