I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
