called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
