i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
