laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
