my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
