I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my being single is dangerous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
