you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
