Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
