Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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