they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
