O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
