Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
