I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
