after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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