Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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