look no pants
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A bitchslap is in order.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
