All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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