you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
