Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
