Its about making memories worth repressing
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
