That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
