Kiss
Puke
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
