eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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