Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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