Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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