he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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