Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
