; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
