I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
