I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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