Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
