Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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