honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
