You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
