my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
