I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my shit smells like andre
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
