piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
