Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
