my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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