I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
