After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
