I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
