There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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