I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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