Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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